December Part 4 (The Good Part)

So December was a very stressful month if you didn't get that from my first three parts.  And then there was Christmas too.

The holidays were good considering my husband wasn't here.  We did get to Skype with him Christmas morning so he got to see the kids open all their gifts.  And then him and I were able to open gifts together like we do every year as the kids sit around and play with new toys.

Oddly enough though, Christmas wasn't as depressing as Thanksgiving was for me.

What made it bearable though was this:

Yup, you guessed it!  R&R.  Three days after Christmas my hubby returned home for his two week R&R.

Deployment Goals Revisited

Way back in February of last year I came up with a list of deployment goals.  I revisited them once before here but since deployment will be coming to an end soon, I figured it would be time to revisit those goals.


1. Read at least 12 books. This accounts to at least one book a month. Shouldn't be too hard but we'll see what happens with my course load. I also want to try to integrate some self-help type books into that mix as well...   COMPLETED.  I don't know how many I've actually read but it's been way more than 12.  Since Christmas alone I've already read 6 books.  


2. Complete at least 4-5 classes towards my graduate degree. So far I've completed three and I just enrolled in my fourth. If I complete 4-5 next year, I'll be more than half way done my degree.  ALMOST COMPLETED.  I am half way done with my master's degree but I took this semester off.  I figured with homecoming and family vacations coming up I wouldn't want to worry about school.  


3. Take a picture a day. My ultimate goal with these pictures would be to email one picture a day to SF.  FAIL.  I was really good at first about taking pictures all the time.  My camera was attached to me.  But that only lasted about 2 months.  I do send my husband a nightly photo of me - does that count??  

4. Lose 10 pounds. This has been an ongoing goal. We'll see how it goes.  FAIL.  If my goal was to gain 10 pounds, I'd be good.  However, I've gotten back to the gym and have already started losing weight.  Maybe I'll still be able to lose 10 before he comes home but then I'll still have another 10 to lose.

5. Send B (ako Girl) to Operation Purple Camp. While the locations of the camps have not yet been released - I would love to be able to send her for a week. I'm also not sure of the age limits either but if G (ako Boy 1) meets the age limits I would consider sending him as well.  FAIL.  We sent the application within hours of registration opening and she was not accepted.  I still do this day have no idea why.  I've tried emailing and calling them several times and I have never gotten a response.  This is one program that I've been highly disappointed in.  I wanted to be in love with it like everyone else - I guess that just wasn't in our cards.  

6. Plan at least 6 outings/day trips during the summer with the kids. I don't plan on the older two being in summer camp at the CYS all summer because I want to be able to do things with them too. I'm thinking they'll be in camp at CYS for four or five of the eight weeks...  COMPLETED.  While I know I don't remember all things that we did over the summer - we did do a lot.  We did many day trips to different places in the area that we had never been to as well as many days spent at the pool.  

7. Pay off as many bills as possible. I'd love to be debt free, except for the mortgage and one truck payment if at all possible - but those goals maybe set too high, especially since I'm not sure how much "extra" money we'll be getting.  ALMOST COMPLETE.  It looks like it's gonna happen after all.  By the time my husband gets home we should only have a mortgage payment and a cadet loan!  We are so excited about this.

8. Finish at least one home improvement project. God knows there are MANY that are not complete! I'm not sure which one I want to tackle yet though.  COMPLETE?  I've done a lot around the house.  Have I finished the drywall or baseboards that I'm sure I was referencing in this, no.  But I've done plenty else to say/feel that I've completed this one.  Everything else can wait until the professionals come in.

9. Decide on paint color for the kitchen and PAINT it! This goes along with goal #8 but this will be a new project not a half finished project waiting to be completed.  COMPLETE.  Not only did I paint the kitchen but I also got all new decor and a new dining room table and buffet.  Months later, and I still love it.

10. Visit my parents WV Place at least three times. I know that doesn't sound like many times but it would be way more than I've gotten there in the past few years.  NOT QUITE.  I've been twice.  Maybe I'll be able to get one more visit in during spring break with the kids?  We'll have to see about this one.  And my kids have all been a handful of times too without me - does that count?

11. Going skiing/snowboarding with my brother and sister at least once. We had so much fun the last time we went. Maybe this time we could make a whole weekend out of it.  FAIL.  Although this isn't my fault.  The whole surgery thing kinda screwed me up.

12. De-clutter! I'm tired of all the useless crap we have around the house. It's time to get rid of it and what better time to do it when there is no one that can object.  COMPLETE and still working on it.  I have donated a ton of stuff so far this year.  And I just sold almost $300 worth of stuff on E-bay.  And I'm planning a yard sale in March so I've been saving all of my normal donations for that.  I think I've done an awesome job of this so far.  Although I'm sure I'll still find even more.


So there you have it.  If you ask me, I've done a pretty good job on most of these.  Some of them failed because of reasons that I couldn't control, so I don't feel bad about those.  Some of them failed just because life got in the way.  Such is my life though.  

December

So with December, brought it's own issues.  Some old, some new.

I was still technically recovering from surgery.  I still wasn't suppose to be driving but decided to anyway.  I tried to take it easy - I really did; but life just sometimes didn't allow that to happen.

After about 4 weeks; I was allowed to start wearing a tennis shoe again.  But ONLY tennis shoes, with ties.  Do you know how limiting to your wardrobe it is to only be able to wear tennis shoes?

Luckily since I had planned on still being on crutches for the entire month of December, all of my holiday shopping was done.  Of course that didn't stop me from buying more things here and there; but for the most part I was done.

But with the shopping done; it only left wrapping to do.  Of all of the things holiday related - I least
expected wrapping to be one of the most depressing for me.  Let me see if I can explain.

My husband and I have this kind of ritual.  We sit down together to wrap presents several times throughout the month.  My husband; he tries; but he is a very slow wrapper.

Wrapping is one thing I am definitely better at than him (and Wii Tennis) and I like to rub it in as much as possible.  So at the end of each of our wrapping sessions; I like to tally up how many presents each of us has wrapped.  It's normally something like 22 to 9!  LOL!

Since there aren't too many things to boast about being better at than him; I take full advantage of this opportunity - especially since it only comes once a year.

But he wasn't here for any of that this year.

There was one night that I begged my friend Tiffany to help me wrap (and her wrapping tendencies are very similar to my husbands).  We had fun but it just wasn't the same.  Nothing can ever replace my husband.

To be continued....

November Part 2

If you missed the first half of my recap of the month you can find it here.  

By that weekend (I had surgery on Wednesday); the kids had gone with my parents and I was on my own to take care of not only myself but my dog.  Even though my doctor told me I could walk on my foot - it was unbearable.  I spent most of the weekend either hopping or crawling to where I needed to be.  That made things like filling the dogs water bowl pretty complicated.  Lets just say he drank a lot of bottled water that weekend as that was the only way I could do it without spilling water everywhere.  

I think it was probably Tuesday (not even a week) before I begged my friend Jamie to come pick me up and get me out of my house.  I just couldn't take being cooped up any longer.  She did of course and we went to Target; our favorite store!  I don't remember the last time I laughed as much as I did that day as I rode around in the motorized scooter bumping into things left and right.  It was definitely what I needed to get out of my funk.  

The kids were back home for two days (Monday and Tuesday) before I sent them off to the other grandparents house for the Thanksgiving holiday so I could attempt to finish recoup-orating.  I was probably the most depressed I've been this whole deployment during this time.  Again I was home alone with the holidays approaching and not only was my husband deployed but my kids were gone too. 

I decided to spend the Thanksgiving holiday with friends instead of family.  My thought process went like this: if I didn't have my husband and my kids - I didn't want to be around any family.  I was depressed enough as it was and I was sure that being with extended family would only make me miss MY family even more.  

While no one came right out and said it, I got the feeling that my family was a little upset about my decision not to join them.  They just didn't get my reasoning - they kept saying they were MY family.  Then again; none of them have had a spouse deployed, let alone deployed over the holidays - so I didn't exactly expect them to get it.  

I pretty much spent that entire week planted on my friend Jamie's couch with her and her husband.  They would come pick me up every morning and take me home every night so that I could still care for my dog.  They also fed me an awesome Thanksgiving dinner!  They did everything and anything I asked of them - and I truly don't know if I will ever be able to repay them.  

The whole not driving thing lasted for about 3 weeks before I had had enough and started driving again.  I got tired of feeling like I had to constantly entertain because there was always someone here.  It was nice at first but after being on my own for so many months; it started to get old.  I just wanted to be alone again!  (I know that sounds crazy).

So that brings us up to December.  Stay turned for another post with December's high points and low points.  

Operation Paperback

I first learned of Operation Paperback from ABW.  She mentioned it on her blog and I immediately went to the website to check it out.

Basically they are an organization that collects and sends books to not only deployed soldiers; but also to military and veteran hospitals and USO centers at the airports.  They have also recently started sending books to military families of deployed service members too.  You select the ages of the children and your own reading interests and they will send a variety of books out.  And on top of everything - it's all free.  They even cover the cost of shipping!

I love finding organizations that support our soldiers and their family members during deployments and hard times.

If you would like to sign up your soldier to receive shipments you can do that here.

And if you would like to sign up your family; you can do that here.

Happy reading!

November

Wow!  November seems like such a long time ago.  And believe me; I do not miss it!

As I'm pretty sure I mentioned November was the month of my surgery.  I had a bunionectomy.  Again.  (Even though blogger thinks I'm spelling it wrong, I'm not!  It's my third one; I'm pretty sure I know how to spell it by now).

I spent the first half of the month stressing out over if I was making the right decision to have surgery while my husband was deployed and trying to make sure that there was going to be someone here to help every day for eight weeks with getting the kids to and from school/daycare and sports; as well as grocery shopping and things around the house.

And yes, I said eight weeks!  I was preparing to be on crutches for eight weeks and be unable to drive for the entire time as I was having surgery on my right foot.

Unfortunately during this time, I learned a hard lesson as to who my real friends were.  It's a hard lesson to learn on its own and even harder when I didn't have my husband here to lean on.

Turns out though, when I woke up from surgery, I didn't need crutches at all!  I guess at the last minute he decided to do a different procedure; I'm still to this day not sure how it all came down to what it did.  I of course still wasn't suppose to drive for several weeks so I still needed someone here at my house to help out.

The day after surgery was the worst!  I called my doctor in tears.  I took so many pain pills that day.  I was only suppose to take 1 every 6 or 8 hours and I was taking 1 every 3 to 4.  Luckily it caused me to sleep most of the day but even then the pain was still horrible.  I don't remember being in so much pain after the first two surgeries.

This story is apparently way longer than I anticipated - so I'll continue another day....

Updates All Around

Wow.  Where to begin?  So much has been going on and life has really just seemed to have gotten away from me here lately.

For starters, TJ has been gone for 194 days now!  I can't believe it has been that long since I have been able to hold and kiss the love of my life!  Luckily R&R is coming up right around the corner and I can't wait!

I've also been working way more than I had planned on working; but it's helping to build our savings account for our vacations scheduled post deployment :-)

I have still been working with our 7-year old on getting some sort of official diagnosis.  We are getting closer but there have still been some set backs.  (Like for instance when he puked in the psychiatrists office last week during his psychiatric evaluation.)  It seems like we've had many appoints; with another major one coming up at the end of this week.  I'm hoping for a better outcome than last week.  On top of the ADHD and ODD that I discussed before, we are still exploring the possibilities of dyslexia and also a mood disorder.

It is all very tiring and never ending.  He (and the process) has really been draining all the energy out of me lately.  Because of this, I have contacted Military OneSource and have started seeing a therapist myself (my husband and I had joint counseling before he left as a proactive approach to deployment and it helped immensely) in order to deal with all of the stress associated not only with this, but with deployment in general.

Also on top of all of this, I've been scheduled for surgery on November 17th.  It's nothing too serious really, but I'll be out of commission for 6-8 weeks while I recover and hobble around on crutches.  I'm having another bunionectomy done.  I had the first one on my right foot when I was 17, the second on my left foot when I was 20 and now the 3rd again on my right foot.  (And in case you're wondering - yes, that's my driving foot and I won't be able to drive during the 6-8 weeks: it only complicates things a little bit). I'm really hoping I'm done after this one!

With surgery pending next month, I have also been kicked into high gear on trying to get some things done here around the house that I've been putting off but definitely won't be able to do while on crutches; like cleaning the gutters, raking leaves, power washing the house, etc.  Unfortunately the list seems to be never ending and as soon as I finish one task, I have to add two more.

I guess that's it really.  I figure I'll wrap it up here as my eyelids are getting very heavy and I would hate to fall asleep before I got to hit publish.

Deployment Update

So in the midst of the my parenting posts, I wanted to give you all an update on deployment as well.

We are currently 24 weeks/170 days in.  Which means we are 42.5% done with this stupid deployment.  Almost to the half way point!  

I'm really starting to look forward to R&R - I just don't know if it can possibly get here soon enough!

Early Morning Calls

I'm very lucky that I get to Skype with my husband at least once a day as long as they aren't out on missions.  Some of our conversations can be quite amusing.

Would you like to see why? 

This is what a typical conversation with my hubby looks like during the morning (our late evening):

He wakes up and calls and we listen to the morning wake up call together:

He washes his face; I watch:

He brushes his teeth; I watch:

He shaves; I watch:

He drinks his morning coffee; I watch:

He blows me my good night kiss; I return with his good morning kiss:

Oh how I miss him!  But even 6000+ miles away - he always knows how to make me smile!

(Thanks to my hubby for being a good sport as I snapped away taking pictures during our call the other morning!)

100 Days!

Yesterday marked the 100th day of deployment!  We are now 1/4 of the way done!  It has definitely been far from easy but we've survived and grown immensely over the course of the last 100 days.   Lets recap some of our adventures:

• I had to replace practically every bulb in the house and got pulled over.

• I had to call a friend to come fix the leaking kitchen sink.

• We made a visit to the ER.

• I dealt with some inconsiderate comments made by a co-worker.

• I went through my first IEP meeting at the school - where they made me feel like I was crazy.

• I dealt with HUGH spiders - on more than one occasion.

• I finally called the exterminator and dealt with dead bugs EVERYWHERE!

• We had a stabbing in my neighborhood.

• No family called my 3 year old on his birthday - except his Daddy. 

• My oldest son was covered from head to toe in poison ivy.

• We finally got a diagnosis on my oldest son (which I have still yet to blog about; but will when the time is right).

It's no wonder really why I posted this yesterday - especially going back over everything that has happened in the past 100 days.  But in light of it all, I still managed to get out today and celebrate the passing of 100 days.

So what did I do?

(Can you read backwards above the doorway?)

I took myself to the spa for an hour long massage and a spa pedicure.  It was AWESOME!  I get on average two massages a year and this one, was by far, the best ever!  Maybe I valued it that much more because I needed it so bad - or maybe it was that it was just that good.

Needless, it was a much needed and deserved day at the spa.  I'm feeling rejuvenated and ready to face the next 100 days!  The good and the bad!

P.S.  Please don't get me wrong - there have been many good days as well in the last 100 days - but they'll be coming in another post all of their own soon!  As well as another special surprise.....

Tired

I'm tired.

I'm tired of sleeping alone.

I'm tired of putting on a happy face for everyone.

I'm tired of pretending I'm fine.

I'm tired of missing my husband like crazy.

I'm tired of being a single parent.

I'm tired of being the only one to discipline kids.

I'm tired of making dinner 7 nights a week.

I'm tired of having to do yard work.

I'm tired of feeling the like the 3rd wheel with friends.

I'm tired of watching my friends kiss and show affection to each other.

I'm tired of not having the time or energy to go to the gym.

I'm tired of listening to children whine and argue.

I'm tired of snapping at my children.

I'm tired of not being able to sleep.

I'm tired of feeling like I'm bothering someone when I need help.

I'm tired not being able to get into a routine.

I'm tired of being tired.

I'm tired of this stupid deployment.

The Whirlwind.....

That is the only way to describe these past few weeks.  I have pretty much decided that there is no way other than bullet points to update everything that has gone on.  So here it goes:

• The kids spent a week home from summer camps and daycare and we did various day trips.
• We went to the Splash Playground at South Germantown park.

• We went to the National Zoo 

(Orangutans crossing in the zoo!)

• We made several visits to the pool.
• We went to see Toy Story 3.
• There was a stabbing in my neighborhood.  
• I planned and had my youngest's 3rd birthday.

(Playing with new toys with Pop)

• We went to see fireworks with some friends. 

• My youngest turned 3!

• I dealt with stress stemming from this post.
• It was discovered that my oldest son was covered in poison ivy.
• The kids all had their annual physicals.
• I had another dentist appointment.
• I attended my first Hearts Apart meeting with a friend.  
• I argued with Concordia and my dentist over some charges. 
• I took a mid-term for school. 
• I've been missing my husband like crazy!
• I spent a day at the pool by myself relaxing.
• It appears my youngest is beginning to suffer from separation anxiety.
• We enjoyed the company of some friends for a friends birthday party.
• We spent some more family time at the pool.  (My youngest is turning into a fish!)
• I took my oldest son to be evaluated.

This is the basics of our whirlwind that has been our past 2 1/2 weeks.  I am so ready for things to slow down a little and try to enjoy some of what is left of the summer.  I really need to work or de-stressing and trying to regain some of my emotional stability. 

Next week, my daughter has another week off of summer camp and we'll be redecorating her room - stay turned for updates on that....  (reminder to self:  take pics of her room currently)

Sleep - My Friend... At Least This Week

How is it that I can go through periods where I can't sleep at all and then just days later when I can't seem to get enough sleep.

On a normal basis lately, I've been getting an average of 5 hours of sleep a night.  I may struggle to get out of bed in the morning and around 2pm, feel very tired, but I get my second wind and then am up again until after midnight.  Even if I attempt to go to bed before midnight, I can't seem to fall asleep.

Then on the other hand, the past few nights I can't seem to sleep enough.  I was in bed by 10:30pm last night and asleep by 11pm.  I slept until 6:45 this morning, and then when I got home I ended up falling asleep on the couch for two hours!  And at 7:30 tonight I was ready to crash.  I've managed to make it til 8pm to put the kids to bed, but I'm seriously considering going to bed right now.

Maybe it's just the stress I've been under has finally subsided enough for me to sleep?  Maybe you really can catch up on sleep and that's what my body is doing?  Maybe I just remembered how much I like sleep?

[Ed. note]  Apparently I posted this too soon.  I figured it was too good to be true!

My Baby Is Three!

My youngest turned three today!  It's so hard to believe that the time has gone by this quickly.  He has grown into a very independent, energetic, smart, handsome little boy before my very eyes!  Of course he's three and so there is also the sassy-ness that comes along with that, but we are trying to squash that pretty quickly.

Of course this is also the first kids birthday that my husband has ever missed and while the kids seem to be holding up just fine I'm the one who is really struggling these last few days!  I completely stressed myself out over his party on Saturday and come to find out, I shouldn't have because besides his parents, my parents and my grandmother - no one bothered to show up!  Actually some of them never even bothered to tell me one way or the other if they were going to come at all!

And what's even more upsetting than that, today on his actual birthday, the only one who called to wish him a happy birthday, was his Daddy!   (Daddy calling is not the upsetting part, the only is)  Can someone please explain to me how my husband can call from 6500+ miles away but not one single family member, from either side of our family, can actually call to wish him a happy birthday!  (Now, I do have to say that my sis, who is on a round the world trip, did do a birthday post for him and I wasn't really expecting her to call.)  I'm crushed! 

Back to the point of this post though.... 

Happy Birthday Dude-y!!  Mommy and Daddy love you very much!

(yes, I call him that and yes is sounds like the same word for poopy.  But that's not that weird because my oldest is called Knucklebutt (which has over the years been shortened to Butt) and my middle son we use to call FatBoy (until he called someone fat one day in the grocery store and didn't know he shouldn't) and my husband and I call each other Shithead and Shitface.)*


*all names truly are given out of love.  And when our oldest asked us (well actually my husband) to stop calling her that out in public, we complied; which we will do with all of them.  The youngest still loves it and gets upset if I call him anything else!  Please... I really don't need anyone to harass me about my kids nicknames today.

Unthinkable

I can't begin to explain how much I miss my husband tonight.  Some horror has struck my neighborhood tonight and really has me shaken up.  I'm not going to go into details tonight - maybe not ever.  At least until I know for sure I have all the facts straight. 

Oh how I wish he could be here holding me tonight......

And not to worry anyone - my husband is fine, I'm fine and my kids are fine. 

I Miss.....

Here are some snippets from a recent chat with my husband:

3:02 PM me: Miss your smile

  Miss when you squint your eyes

  Miss your touch

  Miss your scent

 

3:03 PM 

  Miss you in bed with me

 

    Miss your arms around me

3:04 PM Miss taking showers with you

  Miss you rubbing my butt

  Miss you scratching my back

3:05 PM Miss sitting around the fire with you

  Miss playing cards

 

3:06 PM Miss your kisses

  Should I keep going?

 anthonylloyd1: you can it's making me smile

3:07 PM 

 me: Miss having to pick out clothes for you

3:08 PM Miss you folding laundry

  Miss cooking with you

  Miss snuggling on the couch with you

  Miss watching Friends or House or Deadliest Catch with you.

3:09 PM anthonylloyd1: i miss....

3:10 PM anthonylloyd1: you rubbing my head while you read a book

  miss cooking breakfast on the weekends

 

  miss you yelling at me to stay on my side of the bed

3:11 PM miss you coming up behind me while I look out the front window

  miss watching you try to pick out clothes at night

  miss kissing you good bye in the morning

3:12 PM miss cuddling up to you at night

 

 

3:13 PM miss kissing your neck

  miss you handing me my towel when I get out of the shower

 

3:14 PM   miss cleaning the dishes after dinner

3:15 PM miss our quality time

 

   miss holding your hand while I drive

I was crying by the end of it then, and I'm crying again now as I re-read all of them.

It's amazing all the little things you take for granted until you don't have them.

I miss you love!  Hurry home!

Random Thoughts

Too many random thoughts to actually get a true post out, so here's what I have:

• Why is it that replacement batteries for the smoke detector cost ten dollars?
• I had my first spider free Thurday night last week, I'm hoping for another this week.
• I'm stressed out planning the youngest's birthday party this weekend, wondering how I'm gonna make it through two more this year.
• I've never admitted to anyone but my husband before, but I have thoughts of having another.
• I think I'm allergic to Snuggle fabric sheets.
• I don't know how much more dog shedding I can take this season.
• I really need to get back to going to the gym and eating healthy next week.
• We're on day 79 of deployment.
• Only 6 million some odd seconds left of deployment, 113 thousand some odd minutes left.
• I still have cable even though I canceled it well over a month ago and turned in the equipment.
• I really need to get to the doctors about getting some sleep aid.

Day 75

Today marked day 75 of my husband's deployment!  Woohoo!  Almost to the 100 day mark!

Several weeks ago, Renee and I were discussing how she does something every 25 days to celebrate and countdown the days during deployment; and I so stole the idea from her.

With today marking 75 days, I decided to have a spa day.  Except it wasn't at a spa.  Another friend of mine works part time in a salon and normally does my hair out of her house.  I normally have boundaries as to what she can and can't do with my hair.  Today I had no such things.

I told her to do whatever she wanted and she gladly excepted the challenge.

Here are some before photos:

(my hair is naturally curly and I hate it)

(although I don't really care for it straight either)

During:

(yes, I know it's quite scary, but I think it's funny)

After:

I absolutely love it!  

IEPs and Countdowns

As I suspected yesterday, my initial IEP meeting with the school did NOT go well this morning. It is very frustrating!

There were 6 school personal in the meeting and me. Unfortunately, I feel that they had already made their decision that my son would not be evaluated by a special educator before I even came into the meeting. They didn't seem to listen to or even validate my concerns. They basically told me that the warning signs and symptoms that I've noticed over the past several years are normal and that he will grow out of them and if by 3rd grade he hasn't grown out of them, then and only then would they consider testing him!

My response, "so basically you're telling me that I'm suppose to allow my son to spiral downwards to where he absolutely hates school and then evaluate him when it's possibly too late?"

This philosophy SUCKS and is totally unacceptable!

Lucky for me and little does the school know, I already have an appointment scheduled with an internationally recognized institution dealing specifically with pediatric developmental disabilities. I'm hoping that together with them, we will be able to come up with a game plan. (I'm not ready to give out any more information on this as of now but will update when I feel the time is ready.)

On to other unrelated news and in case anyone has been wondering how I've decided to start counting days/weeks/months:
I'll be starting from the date he reported to the mob site which is also the date his orders started. So we are half-way through week 9! Woo-hoo! 58 days down!

Trying to find that silver lining....

Am I Losing It?

I have been so stressed out lately!

I finally have my 6 year old's first IEP scheduled for tomorrow morning at school. I'm honestly freaking out a little bit. After speaking with several of the special educators at the school (I work at the same school my children attend so I know most of them) I'm even more concerned that the school is going to blow off my concerns and tell me that he is too young to be tested.

While I'm not an expert by any means and I don't know exactly what the issue is with him, I do know that something is going on. I have my thoughts as to what it is but from what I gather the school isn't going to be too cooperative with this.

I know I should go in there with a positive attitude and know that they aren't going to "gang up" on me but unfortunately I'm not feeling that way now. I have a feeling this is going to be a long drawn out battle and I don't know how prepared I am for this. I do know I have no other option though as I believe this is what is best for my son.

At the same time I'm going through all of these emotions with my 6 year old, I'm slowing beginning to think I'm losing control with my almost 3 year old. The tantrums he once threw several months ago; have only gotten worse. It seems that no matter what I do - he doesn't care and doesn't listen. I know that the people who read this and know both me and my son, will think I'm crazy in saying this - but he is getting way out of control and I don't have the slightest idea with what to do. (Yes, the innocent little boy that some of you know - has a whole other side to him. And don't try to tell me otherwise.)

Several people have suggested that he is testing me since my husband is gone and I'm sure that has something to do with it; but, that doesn't help me solve the problem. I'm seriously scared that he is going to be completely out of control by the time my husband gets home.

And it use to be that he would only throw these tantrums when we were home and now it doesn't seem to matter where we are. He is so strong willed and so stubborn. (And again, the people who know me will say that I'm just as stubborn too but again that doesn't help me get through this.) At lacrosse practice last week I had to strap him into his car seat in the truck screaming at the top of his lungs because he wasn't getting his way and wouldn't listen. Today I had to leave the YMCA because he was screaming when I tried to drop him off at child care. And not just yelling, screaming bloody murder telling people not to touch him whenever someone got close. I was embarrassed to say the least and in the end - he got his way, which was to leave because he didn't want to be there.

I am at a complete loss and feel like I'm losing all control. Add all of this to the fact that I can't sleep at night (I'm lucky most nights to get 5 or 6 hours of sleep tops) it makes for a very bad day! It's like I'm spiraling out of control and I have to do something NOW! I just don't know what....