Thursday, January 28, 2010

All Is Good

Yes, sometimes all it takes for me are flowers.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

I'm Feeling A Little Lighter Today

I'm sorry I haven't really been posting much. Although I'm irritated with myself for being sorry. When I started blogging again I told myself that I wouldn't pressure myself to have a post every day or even every couple days unless I had something I truly wanted to share. I didn't (and still don't) want to spend countless hours thinking of what I'm going to blog about next. I don't like or need any added pressure in my life these days.

Which gets back to the whole reason behind this post. The past couple weeks have been hard. I've really struggled with getting use to SF's new work schedule. Yes, he's still home - but a lot of times I still feel like a single parent. These days he's gone before we get up in the morning and there are some nights when he will still be taking working call at 11:30 at night! And considering this is the same man who use to turn his phone off the second he walked in the door - I'm struggling.

I get it! I really do. I understand that it's a necessary evil. But that doesn't mean that I like it or that I even really know how to deal with it.

And what I realized last night is that I can't continue to hold it all in. I need to vent. I need to get it all out. I use to hold it all in because I didn't want to take something I had no control over and blow it up into a huge ordeal which inevitably would turn into an argument.

We only have a few months of time left together and I don't want to argue it away. I've heard from many other military spouses that the last few months are before deployment are spent arguing and bickering over little things. I was determined not to be one of those. But I failed.

Hopefully now that everything is out in the open, we'll better be able to handle it. My shoulders are feeling a little lighter today as I woke up realizing that I've learned a valuable lesson. Yes, my life is changing around me and I have no control over it but it doesn't mean that I have to be quiet about it. I'm still allowed to have anger and frustrations and I'm still allowed and should be voicing my concerns over it. Holding it in doesn't help - it only makes it worse.

It's been a hard lesson to learn and hopefully I won't have to learn it more than once.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

A Perfect Ending to an Awesome Weekend

Toadmama is always proclaiming that her hubby is awesome - so I have to let everyone know that I have a pretty awesome hubby too! While he may not have all the fancy tools and may not make these, and he doesn't search for fodder for my blog - he sure does know how to cap off an awesome weekend.

But first the weekend (mine starts Thursday evening as I don't work on Friday's). Thursday night, Toadmama came over to hang out for TTT. We couldn't go anywhere since SF (aka my hubby) was out of town and the kids were sleeping so we hung out at the house with a few beverages and talked. It was great to catch up in person.

Then Friday evening I hosted fondue and wine night at my house. I really wish I would have remembered to get the camera out and take pictures. April, Jamie and Janelle came over with a variety of cookies, fruit, pretzels, pound cake, chocolate, breads, cheese and wine (and other drinks) and again the four of us sat around the table eating and laughing our asses off! A good time was had by all!

Saturday I packed the kids and drove to my best friends house in Pennsylvania to spend the night. The kids had an awesome time hanging out together (even though G got sick that evening) and Amber and I had just as much, if not more fun. Of course we had a ton to catch up on and we were up til almost 4am playing Wii bowling.

Needless to say, it was a little rough getting up Sunday morning to drive home. But we did it and got home around noon. SF was finally home as well and we laid the kids down for naps and promptly took naps ourselves!

So by now you're probably wondering what my husband being awesome has to do with all of this...especially since I didn't see him most of the weekend. Well, after dinner and after the kids were put to bed, SF ran a hot bath, lit the candles and told me to go relax with a book in the tub! Which I did! How awesome is that?

It was a perfect ending to an awesome weekend spent with family and friends.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Goals Are Coming

I promise. They are coming.

Every time I log in, I work on them a little bit and then get distracted (ie. ooh, look a sale. another text message. Damn Facebook!).

I was hoping to have them done by now but I keep seeming to come up with new ones, delete old ones and rework some. I never knew creating goals like this would be so difficult.

Maybe it's not ... maybe it's just me.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

At It Again

I'm enjoying a nice relaxing evening at home alone (well if the kids in bed count as being alone) for one more night while SF is gone....... Okay, who am I kidding! The 30 Day Shred is far from relaxing!

Yes, if you are wondering - I'm trying to lose weight again. This is one of my deployment goals (I know I still haven't posted them) and I'm starting a little early, hoping to get a jump start on it.

I know it's been a few weeks since I've been to the gym, but this routine kicked my ass! And at only 25 minutes, it was definitely worth it. And to think, I thought I was in decent shape..... I really don't feel like getting into all the logistics of the workout right now though- maybe another day.

However, if you don't hear any more about this, ask me. Hold me accountable because I'm determined to lose these final pounds this time. After all that is the whole point of posting goals...right?

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Getting It All Out

Tonight, SF left - only for two days right now - but it has given me LOTS of free time... free time that I haven't been getting the past few weeks with him being on leave.

So while I could be pampering myself, reading a good book, watching TV or various other meaningless things; I decided to start scouring the net looking for things (advice, experiences, suggestions) about pre-deployment. Things like: what paperwork needs to be completed, what kinds of information I need to get from him prior to him leaving, how have other wives dealt and coped during this time, what types of goals do I want to set for myself during deployment, ideas of things to give/get for the kids so they are able to deal and cope during this time, legalities of our finances, what types of "additional" income are we expected to receive, and various other items that I can no longer think of after searching for the past several hours.

I hope to post updates on all of these things as we begin to really start working on and getting things in order. It's going to be a long couple months - but not long enough when I know I have 15 months alone coming up. We have only 2 1/2 more months before D-day (deployment day) and while that seems like a long time - I know that it is no where near long enough.

I did find one blog tonight whose words echoed exactly how I've been feeling lately. She says,

"nothing is worse than being without [him], but the tortured thoughts of a big chunk of life spent without him...while I am living life with him."

These words could not be more true than if I spoke them myself. I constantly find myself thinking or saying to myself, "How am I going to do this next year?" How am I going to put the tree up by myself next year, how am I going to get lights hung next year, how am I going to make it through the holidays by myself, how am I going to be able to get the kids to practices by myself, how am I going to be able to get from game to game when the kids are playing at the same time across town from each other, how am I going to have a sleepover for B's birthday by myself, how am I going to get all of the shopping done without any help, how am I going to keep my house clean when I have kids that wreck it only moments after cleaning, how am I going to be able to get enough adult interaction, how am I .....

I could probably go on for days with these scenarios. They fill my mind constantly throughout the day and into the night. I wish my mind didn't work like this. I wish I had an easy answer for all the questions. I also wish I wasn't going through deployment - unfortunately, that's not going to change and neither is anything else.

I've been working on coming to terms with these thoughts. I know that with the support of my wonderful husband and my friends and family - I can do anything! I've proven it to myself in the past and I'm sure I can prove it again.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

A New Beginning

I know I have taken a long hiatus - it was just about a year ago that I did my last post - but with our upcoming deployment, I thought it would be a good time to get back into blogging.

Not only will I be able to keep SF updated on things here at the homefront, but I'll also be able to document the time for my children and hopefully be able to use it as a way to help me keep my sanity as well.

I can't guarantee that I'll be posting on a regular basis right now - especially as we prepare for deployment and try to spend as much time together as a family as possible - but I'm hoping I'll slowly get back into the swing of things.

I have plans to do a post of things to get done during deployment so hopefully I'll be posting again soon.


This Blog is my outlet. It's where I share my thoughts and feelings. It's a place where I can vent. Not everyone thinks alike. People don't always share the same religious or political views. Some people (like me!) occasionally think in more “colorful” terms than others. Sorry, but I'm a big girl and can use cuss words and talk about not-so-mainstream stuff if I want to. If you find that sort of language offensive / shocking / annoying, you may want to stop reading now. Life as a military wife ain't always pretty. It's my life, though, so don't say I didn't warn you.