Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Getting It All Out

Tonight, SF left - only for two days right now - but it has given me LOTS of free time... free time that I haven't been getting the past few weeks with him being on leave.

So while I could be pampering myself, reading a good book, watching TV or various other meaningless things; I decided to start scouring the net looking for things (advice, experiences, suggestions) about pre-deployment. Things like: what paperwork needs to be completed, what kinds of information I need to get from him prior to him leaving, how have other wives dealt and coped during this time, what types of goals do I want to set for myself during deployment, ideas of things to give/get for the kids so they are able to deal and cope during this time, legalities of our finances, what types of "additional" income are we expected to receive, and various other items that I can no longer think of after searching for the past several hours.

I hope to post updates on all of these things as we begin to really start working on and getting things in order. It's going to be a long couple months - but not long enough when I know I have 15 months alone coming up. We have only 2 1/2 more months before D-day (deployment day) and while that seems like a long time - I know that it is no where near long enough.

I did find one blog tonight whose words echoed exactly how I've been feeling lately. She says,

"nothing is worse than being without [him], but the tortured thoughts of a big chunk of life spent without him...while I am living life with him."

These words could not be more true than if I spoke them myself. I constantly find myself thinking or saying to myself, "How am I going to do this next year?" How am I going to put the tree up by myself next year, how am I going to get lights hung next year, how am I going to make it through the holidays by myself, how am I going to be able to get the kids to practices by myself, how am I going to be able to get from game to game when the kids are playing at the same time across town from each other, how am I going to have a sleepover for B's birthday by myself, how am I going to get all of the shopping done without any help, how am I going to keep my house clean when I have kids that wreck it only moments after cleaning, how am I going to be able to get enough adult interaction, how am I .....

I could probably go on for days with these scenarios. They fill my mind constantly throughout the day and into the night. I wish my mind didn't work like this. I wish I had an easy answer for all the questions. I also wish I wasn't going through deployment - unfortunately, that's not going to change and neither is anything else.

I've been working on coming to terms with these thoughts. I know that with the support of my wonderful husband and my friends and family - I can do anything! I've proven it to myself in the past and I'm sure I can prove it again.


shan said...

Glad to see you'll be posting again, especially since I'm away and don't always know what's going on your lives as quickly as I would know if I was at home.

ToadMama said...

I agree. Welcome back! You will not be alone! You are a fabulous Mom. To help you maintain your sanity, we will do what we can to help. Love ya!

Amy said...

Thanks for the support! I know I have much more support than others I know but I can't help to be down in the dumps about it all some days.

Michelle said...

I'm so sorry you've got this long deployment looming :( I know it doesn't seem like it but it really will pass quicker than you think it will! You'll be so busy that before you know it a year has passed! I can't believe our deployment is just about over!

I know most military installations have pre-deployment briefings that spouses are encouraged to attend...that should help with the information you're looking for like paperwork to have (ie Power of Attorney) etc.

Amy said...

Thanks for the words of encouragement Michelle! And I have finally gotten an FRG meeting scheduled for this Friday - but of course I had to really push for it to happen.

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This Blog is my outlet. It's where I share my thoughts and feelings. It's a place where I can vent. Not everyone thinks alike. People don't always share the same religious or political views. Some people (like me!) occasionally think in more “colorful” terms than others. Sorry, but I'm a big girl and can use cuss words and talk about not-so-mainstream stuff if I want to. If you find that sort of language offensive / shocking / annoying, you may want to stop reading now. Life as a military wife ain't always pretty. It's my life, though, so don't say I didn't warn you.