Hmmm....where do I start? It has been a long, hard weekend. Not just for me but for the kids too. The oldest two broke down and cried (or should I say bawled) their eyes out last night. It was so unexpected as neither of them have really showed too much emotion up until that point.
We've been talking with the kids since December about the deployment and none of them cried when we told them or at any other point, so we were thinking they viewed it as any other time that Daddy has left. (Which has never been for a whole year, but it's frequent enough that a month to the kids is no big deal.)
I'm not sure what exactly happened last night though. As I sat there on the couch with my kids sobbing in my lap, I was waiting for myself to break down again and join in with them. I really thought that's what was going to happen. Instead, holding my children, I had this incredible strength come over me and I realized I had to be strong for my kids. I couldn't let them see me break down at that point because they needed to pull their strength from me; and how could they do that if I was a puddle on the floor.
When my husband left for the mob site today, (they are already there and have made it safely if anyone is wondering) I knew I had to do the same thing again today. I stood strong - hugged and kissed him goodbye and left. We decided that we would leave before the bus so it was us saying goodbye instead of him leaving us.
It seems to have worked out, the kids did the same as I and have been much better today as well. It also hasn't hurt that I've kept all of us busy all day and haven't allowed for much down time. I'm sure there will still be many more tears shed over the next year, but for now it feels good to be reassured that I am a strong person and I can get through the next year.