Monday, September 27, 2010

Challenge #5 - Don't Argue

I have not fallen off the band-wagon of my parenting a child with ADHD challenge.  What I've discovered though is that I need to take smaller steps and implement new things slowly.  My son thrives on routine and changing so many things at once was putting him on edge; so we've had to slow it down a bit.

As for an update on where we are:

Challenge #1 - I started back to the gym today and am excited about it and I have been trying harder to watch what I eat.   I also laid around on Saturday when the kids were gone and did nothing but watch movies.  It was just what I needed.  I'm also still looking into taking Annoyed Army Wife's suggestion of meditation - I'm very intrigued by it.

Challenge #2 - I'm honestly still working on this one.  I have all the rules written out but need to get them printed and laminated for his room and the fridge.  We've been slowly talking about them at dinner time too.

Challenge #3 - This has been going well too and it helps that he has begun asking me exactly what I mean if he doesn't understand something.  It helps me to know what I need to say the next time so he "gets it" (although that's not to say that he'll "get it" the next time either).

Challenge #4 - I have been really trying my hardest on this one.  Just today I sent him out of the room so I could have 5 minutes to recompose myself so that I didn't yell at him.  I'm not gonna say that there haven't been days where I have "lost my shit" because there have been but they are becoming few and far between.

So on to Challenge #5:

Do not argue with a child, let alone a child with ADHD.  As soon as you begin arguing with a child, it puts you on their turf and with an ADHD child they seem (at least my son is) most comfortable in conflict.

I have realized that I tend to be an argumentative person when I'm trying to get my point across.  I often find my self going back and forth with my children (and even my husband) to the point where I snap and end up yelling at them. 

I need to say what I mean and stick to it.  If the direction is not followed, there will be consequences.  I am the parent and when I make a request it needs to be done, not debated as to how/when/if it needs to be done.

One of the first steps is to sit down with children and explain that there is normally a good reason that you're telling them to do something.  It's not because you're mean.  However, keep this explanation short and sweet because a long winded conversation is sure to loose them.  Next, explain to them that you will no longer argue with them and that they will be expected to accomplish whatever task it is that you've stated.  They don't have to be happy about whatever it is, but it needs to be done.  Finally, kids need to know what the consequence is if they insist on arguing with you.

At dinner tomorrow tonight this is what we will be talking about.  What do your dinner time conversations sound like?


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This Blog is my outlet. It's where I share my thoughts and feelings. It's a place where I can vent. Not everyone thinks alike. People don't always share the same religious or political views. Some people (like me!) occasionally think in more “colorful” terms than others. Sorry, but I'm a big girl and can use cuss words and talk about not-so-mainstream stuff if I want to. If you find that sort of language offensive / shocking / annoying, you may want to stop reading now. Life as a military wife ain't always pretty. It's my life, though, so don't say I didn't warn you.