Proof I'm Raising a Target Snob

Setting:  Driving down the road with kids in tow.

Boy 2: pointing out the window at building.  What's that?  

Me:  Wal-Mart

Boy 2:  Ewwww!  Yuck!  We don't like Wal-Mart.  Only Target!

What can I say, the boy has his mamma's taste.

Thanksgiving

My youngest is at the stage now where he comes up with some hilarious things.  I really need to start documenting these better but tonight was one of those moments.

**background:  Friday evening the high school homecoming parade came down our street and the kids were super excited**

As I was getting him out of the shower tonight he said something about Christmas.

Me:  Slow down, we need to get through Halloween and Thanksgiving before we can get to Christmas.
Him:  Mom!  We do thanksgiving already!
Me:  What are you taking about?
Him:  You know.  When the fire trucks came down and threw candy we say thanksgiving!

From The Mouth Of.....

3 year-old:  Mommy, am I gonna be a mommy when I grow up?
Me:  No, you're gonna be a daddy.
3 year-old:  Yay!
3 year-old:  And then Daddy will be a little kid!
Me:  {laughing}
Me:  No, then Daddy will be a Pop.
3 year-old:  {laughing hysterically} 
3 year-old:  No he won't!


You gotta love their innocence!

From The Mouth Of.....

As I'm lying in bed tonight with my two year old he holds his hand up to me. Here is the conversation:

Me: Get your hand out of my face please.
Two Year Old: Smell It.
Me: Smell your hand?
Two Year Old: Yes, smell it.
Me: Why?
Two Year Old: Iit smells.
Me: Why? What did you touch?
Two Year Old: My FEET!

As he proceeds to crack up laughing! I wonder sometimes where he gets this shit from!

Hey Soul Sister

Do you know this song??

How about this?



Yes, my 2 year old (almost 3) is singing Hey Soul Sister by Train. I'm not quite sure where he learned it but he's been singing it all morning!

From The Mouth Of.....

I've been having a hell of a time trying to get my 2 year old to stay in bed recently. (I know it's just a stage and he'll outgrow it - I'm not worried about that) Like all kids he does the typical:

I need a drink
I need to go potty
I wanted to tell you I love you
We forgot to brush my teeth

As well as some of the newer ones:

Is Daddy on a boat?
Is Daddy on an airplane?
Is Daddy sleeping on the boat?
Why is Daddy on a boat?

Well last night when I put him to bed, I made sure his teeth were brushed, he went potty, we said our love yous and I told him Daddy was on a boat and yes he was sleeping. I then asked, "is there anything else?"

He laid there starring at me and I could see the wheels turning in his head....

2 year old: Mommy, why is today Monday?
Me: What!?! Because yesterday was Sunday and that makes today Monday.
2 year old: But why?
Me: Because that's the way it works - GO TO BED!

From The Mouth Of.....

I use to do a regular from the mouth of post since my 6 year old is forever saying the darnedest things. And my 2 year old is right on his tail with the wittiness these days. Maybe I'll start posting more of these again but for now here are a few:

Husband: "Welcome to my world."
2 year old: "Welcome my world. I here all the time."

Husband: "I'm sorry, I don't want to go either but it's my job and I have to go."
6 year old: "Well doesn't the captain care that your kid is crying."

And here's one more retold to me from my mom when she was here watching the kids:

My mom: “Come on, [2 year old], Let’s get your PJs on and get you ready for bed"
2 year old: “My want shower"
My mom: “No, Mommy said you don’t need a shower tonight. Let’s get your PJs on.”
2 year old: “No. My want shower.”
My mom: “Mommy said no shower tonight, buddy.”
2 year old: “No Mommy NOT. My. Want. SHOWER.”

I'm glad that they are able to keep me laughing through all of this. I don't know what I would do without them!

Better Late Than Never

First and foremost I need to say:

Happy 5th Birthday Boy 1.

**And no I didn't forget but with having Shitface home for the long weekend, and me not posting on weekends as it is and still not being able to get back on track - it's a little late.

Boy 1 is five! What a big age for such a little boy. Since he is now five he can do everything! (At least in his eyes.) He no longer needs to stand on a stool at the sink - because he's five. He no longer needs to sit in a booster at the table - because he's five. He no longer needs help in deciding his clothes - because he's five. He no longer needs to be cuddled - because he's five. He no longer needs me to tell him to brush his teeth - oh no wait, yes he does!

So the point is my oldest boy is growing up to be an independent little man... well as independent as five will allow anyway. It seems like just yesterday he was learning to walk and talk. And looking back at pictures the other day (trying to find one I was allowed to post) I found this.

He wasn't even two here and was chasing ducks around the park.
He has since learned to leave the ducks alone.

But in keeping with my regular Tuesday From the Mouth of... I have a guest today.

For Boy 1's party we took him and a few friends bowling. At some point during the night Shitface and I had kissed in front of the boys and we got this from a friend, we'll call D.

D: Ewww... that's disgusting!

Me: What? Why?

D: Because you kissed and that's disgusting.

Me: So your Mommy and Daddy are disgusting too when they kiss?

D: No. My Daddy is disgusting because he married my Mommy!

And there you have it!

From the Mouth of....

Boy 1 has been in too much trouble this week to actually say too much of anything funny, so this is an old one. It's from earlier this year - April to be exact.




Preface: Boy 1's first season of T-ball. We've had several practices but this is the first scrimmage of the season. Boy 1 is playing 3rd base. A player from the other team runs to third base.

As I look up, Boy 1 is running back into the dugout as this other boy gets to 3rd base.

Me: Boy 1, where are you going?

Boy 1: There's someone else on third base, I don't need to be there anymore!

Good thing it was only the beginning of the season - as he apprently had much more to learn.

From the Mouth of....

Boy 1 has been having a few difficult days following directions and rules in school this week. This isn't particularly unlike him as we have these issues with him every so often.

On Friday, he was apparently running around his classroom which he knows he's not allowed to do. He was given a warning and he still didn't stop and so he was placed in time out.

When he got home and told me this I was asking him why he wasn't listening. He is forever telling me what happened but not why it happened. We can talk ourselves in circles. Take for instance this:

Me: Why did you get in trouble?
Boy 1: I was running around.
Me: Why were you running around?
Boy 1: Well Ms. ---- told me to stop and I didn't.
Me: Ok, I understand that but why were you running.
Boy 1: Because I wasn't walking.
Me: Ok, but why weren't you walking.
Boy 1: Because I was running.

So you see how this can go and it can get quite annoying. On Friday I explained to him that I knew WHAT happened that got him in trouble but I wanted to know why he wasn't listening to his teacher.

Boy 1: **complete silence**
Me: Well....
Boy 1: Would you like for me to tell you?

Yes, I want you to tell me!! This has been the whole point of this conversation!! Please tell me!!

And in the end, I still never got an answer. I guess it's pretty much hopeless trying to get anything out of an almost 5 year old!

From the Mouth of....

I know, I know. It's not Tuesday. But this is a special from the mouth of. This one is actually from the Girl! Since she just knows it all at the tender age of 7 3/4 she doesn't say too many funny things these days.

However, we're walking through the grocery store the other day in the milk section buying not only regular milk but Lactaid for Boy 2 as well. (That's a whole other story that I've never told.) For whatever reason she decided to take an extreme interest in the types of milk that particular day.

She is walking along slowly studying each one as she stops at one. (I don't know which one though.) She points at is and says, "Mom is this one made from cow's pee too?"

ME: What?!?!? Who told you that milk is made from cows pee?
GIRL: Well Mom, haven't you seen them get the milk? They pee it out.
ME: No, Honey. That's not how it works.
GIRL: Well how does it work?
ME: Well, it comes from their utters.
GIRL: What's that?
ME: Well, have you ever seen a mommy feed her baby using these (as I point to my boobs)?
GIRL: Yeah.
ME: Well its like the same thing. Mommy's make milk for their babies just like cows make milk.
GIRL: Oh, ok.

She seemed content with the answer and didn't ask any more questions. Hopefully I didn't give too much information and scar her for life!

From the Mouth of....

Another from the mouth of Boy 1.....

Shitface is currently on a boat out in the Atlantic Ocean traveling from Ft. Eustis, Virginia to Savannah, Georgia. (It's part of their celestial training for school.)

He actually got a chance to call home the other day (the cell signal in the Atlantic Ocean - yeah, not always so good!) and talk to the kids. Boy 1 was talking to him when he some how accidentally hits the talk button which serves as both the flash button and the hang up button.

He runs to me with the phone telling me he hit a button. I realize quickly what he did and hit the button again - luckily enough Shitface was still there on the line. As I had the phone back to Boy 1 he says:

Sorry Dad, sometimes things just happen!

I guess it's a good thing he didn't say, "Sorry Dad, sometimes SHIT happens!

From the Mouth of....

Today's from the mouth of isn't new. But it did happen over the summer and I just forgot about it until the other day.

We had taken the kids to Water Country USA and as we're walking into the park Shitface and I are goofing off. Not really doing anything in particular - just being goofy.

Boy 1 comes up to Shitface and says:

Dad, can't you just act like you're cool and not weird! You're embarassing me!

And he's only 4! If he thinks we're embarassing now wait until he gets older and brings girls home and I get all the naked tub pictures out! Ok maybe I won't do that...but I have it as black mail if I need it!

From the Mouth of....

First I'd like to start by telling you I'm sorry about my absence the past few days. I'm really still trying to get back into the swing of things and then this weekend we went down to visit Shitface in Virginia so he would have to drive home. But more of all of that to come later....

Back to the post at hand....

Boy 1 really didn't say anything great this week. (Or maybe it's that things have been so chaotic that I haven't been able to take note of them??)

Anyway, I had to pull from his journal (pre-blog) for something for today's From the Mouth of...

_____________________________________________________________

Preface:
We were all in the truck. Boy 1 was in the third row seat, Girl and Boy 2 were in the second row seat. Boy 1 and Girl were arguing (about who knows what – they do this all the time these days) and Boy 1 says:

Boy 1: Girl, stop acting like an ackjass

Me: A what?

Boy 1: An ackjass

Me: Do you mean a jackass?

Boy 1: Yea, that is it – a jackass!

Me: Ok, don’t ever say that word again!

From the Mouth of....

Over the weekend we went on a drive to look for a new house. Since we have recently found out we are be re-stationed here in Maryland, we have decided that we need a bigger house in a nicer area - you know more land, bigger bedrooms, a bigger kitchen with an eat-in area, formal dining room and a pool - who know all the necessities! Especially the pool!

Boy 1 and Girl spent the time arguing, complaining and bickering with one another in the backseat. It was great fun.

However at one point in time here was the conversation overheard from the backseat:

Boy 1: Leave me alone!

Boy 1: Leave me alone!

Boy 1: Stop copying me.

Boy 1: Stop copying me.

Boy 1: Stop it!

Boy 1: Stop it!

Boy 1: PLEASE! Stop!

Boy 1: PLEASE! Stop!

Boy 1: Blah, blo, blah. (His actual words!)

Boy 1: Blah, blo, blah.

Boy 1: Quit.

Boy 1: Quit.

So are you thinking by now that Girl was irritating him?

Well she wasn't. She was sitting there quietly minding her own business.

So what was going on?? We figured out he was playing the copy cat game with himself!

Only my Boy 1 would think of doing such a thing.

From the Mouth of....

Here were some of the conversations heard while driving back home to Maryland:

Girl: The trees in Maryland are so beautiful. They're so more beautiful than the ones in Virginia.

Boy 1: Yea I know. And the little ones are Sooooooo Cute!

Girl: Yea I know. Maryland is great!

(Do you think they are happy to be home too?!?)

___________________________________________________________

Boy 1: Will you stop blessyouing on me!!

(Yes, Girl was having a sneezing fit...)

___________________________________________________________

Boy 1: Can you make the dog stop ruffing?

Me: You mean barking?

Boy 1: No I mean ruffing!

From the Mouth of....

Here you can see Boy 1 partaking in his new favorite activity:

Tree Climbing

Yup, the boy thinks that he's a monkey.

I went outside to check on them and he came running over to show me this:

(I see now that you can't really see but right below his knees where it looks a little pink - they're scratches...)

Me: What happened?

Boy 1: Oh, my skin just crawled off when I was getting out of the tree.

Me: It did what?

Boy 1: It crawled off!

Me: Oh, ok.

From the Mouth Of....

If you're wondering about the kids summer camp last week - I didn't post about it because it was going so well that I didn't want to jinx it.

(If you don't know about it....last week the kids (the older two that is) were both in a week long summer camp to give me a much needed break.)

The first day of camp Boy 1 wasn't too pleased that I was abandoning him at a strange place without his big sister. When I left he had stopped crying and he was sitting down but refused to sit on the carpet with the rest of the kids and instead elected to sit on the edge of the carpet....

When I picked him up Ms. Brown told me of the conversation they had a little later....

Boy 1: I'm not going to eat lunch with you guys.

Ms. Brown: Well why not?

Boy 1: Because I want my mom to pick me up.

Ms. Brown: Well I think your mommy really wants you to stay here and eat lunch with us.

Boy 1 reluctantly agreed and sat down to eat. Following lunch it was time for their 20 minute rest period and this conversation continued....

Boy 1: I'm NOT taking a nap.

Ms. Brown: Well why not?

Boy 1: Because I'm sure my mom is on her way to pick me up.

Ms. Brown: Well I think your mommy would really like you to rest with us.

Boy 1: Now, I KNOW she doesn't want me to do that!!

(Have I mentioned that Boy 1 isn't keen on taking naps??)

So while the first day was a little rough for Boy 1, after that he settled right in and even asked if he could stay for the next weeks camp as well. Which believe me, I would love to do but Girl wouldn't have anything to do but sit at home and drive me crazy for a week.

P.S. Girl 1 had a blast at camp - they went canoeing, rock climbing, geocaching, fishing, hiking - maybe I can join her camp and leave the kids at home to fend for themselves....just a thought....

From the Mouth of Boy 1

Preface: Shitface is sitting at the table on the computer. Boy 1 is standing in the kitchen close by. I hand Shitface a beer out of the fridge and set it on the table.

Boy 1: Oh, this is for me right?

Shitface: If you can open it you can drink it.

Boy 1: Ok. (As he tries and tries to open it....)

Boy 1: I need help.

Shitface: No, I told you if YOU can open it you can have it.

Boy 1: (He continues to try....)

Boy 1: Can I have a straw when I get it open?

Boy does he have a lot to learn!!

From the Mouth of Boy 1......

So as always - Boy 1 always has something to say these days. And when he speaks you should listen because it normally contains your comical relief for the day!

Scenario 1

Boy 1: When I'm old enough to be a boyfriend - I wanna be her boyfriend......

Who you ask? Well who else besides the super model from Giorgio Armani that he found on the back of a magazine.

At least he has good taste.

Scenario 2

Boy 1: Look!! Look!! Mommy!! Look!!!

Me: What......

Boy 1: It's a, it's a....monkey climbing in the tree!!

Me: A what?!?!?!

Boy 1: Oh, I mean a squirrel. Never mind.

He has quite the imagination - and then **POOF** it was gone!